i miss you

To me it feels like yesterday, that we were walking side by side. Taking each step together. With you I never felt alone. We were friends, I bed more than that. Actually you were my mother, my father and also my best friend. We were living life without the knowledge that life wasn’t meant to be forever. I never tough of you telling me goodbye. Not just for once but forever and ever. And that’s exactly what’s happened. I lost you and I lost my best friend, my mother and my father. All at once. Hearing you telling me goodbye was like my life just ended. I’m feeling lonely, all by myself. Missing you is horrible but seeing your face every time I close my eyes, is even worst. I can still hear you breathing faster and faster, and then the silence that happens. God I never felt so useless before. Standing there, seeing you fighting, giving anything you have, just to make it through another day. I knew you wasn’t able to make it. But for heaven seek I wanted to do something to make a different. I wanted you to stay here with me, so we can laugh and dance together, cry and be angry together. I didn’t want it to end this way neither at this point. You left when I needed you the most..

Today I really don’t feel like I’m living, the day you left, you took my soul and heart with you. I don’t understand, why would this happened to me. The whole world keeps spinning, they are busy with planning their future, but I, I’m still here on the spot you left me. When the evening shadows and the stars appear, that is when I will cry. But my tears doesn’t dry on their own. Please tell me this is just a terrible dream. That I will wake up soon and everything will be fine. We will be together again.

I’m angry with whole world, mom. They forget about us. They forget about my broken heart. But I believe that love remains. And forever and ever I will remember you even if it hurts. I will never forget that once there was a strong woman who has done everything for me, just to make me smile. Who wanted to live but doesn’t get a fair chance.

I’m sorry mom. I couldn’t help you. I try but I didn’t succeed. For that I still blame myself, because I promise you that we will beat that monster who was eating you from inside. I put all my hope I had in god and he dropped me like hell. He took you from me. He knew how much I wanted you to recover, because I scream and I yell at him every day. I don’t want to hear nothing about the lord or any of his friends. They wasn’t there for me when I needed them. He turn me his back. And now I’m doing the same.

Right now I want nothing ells than to be alone. Don’t talk to me. Just let me be upset. Because all I ever needed was a guaranty of my mom being here by my side forever.